看完今年的某篇高考满分作文之后，我一度怀疑自己的母语是否是汉语。那篇文章从头到尾充斥着华丽的词藻，令我难以顺利地阅读下来，并且到最后也没能理解对方想到底要表达什么。当今秀才买驴般的表达原来是从娃娃抓起的。摘录一段：

……唯有那些深谙“各美其美，美人之美，美美与共，天下大同”之事物方可站稳脚跟，立足于当下，展望于星火。

这让我想起了“废话文学”————说了五分钟等于什么都没说。做到这种“听君一席话，如听一席话”的地步，需要极高的造诣，不仅需要将“浪潮”、“磅礴”之类的泰山压顶般的词语了熟于心，还要练习强行用典的能力。

废话文学一般分两类。一类是纯官腔，说了等于没说，例如“情况就是这么个情况，具体什么情况还得看情况”；另一类是“高潮爽文”，行文气势磅礴，主打一个鸡血，看得人高潮澎湃，过后一阵空虚。

很惭愧，我也是高考过来的，上本科以后，我才逐渐开始学习怎么说话。

我认为语言的本质是工具，最重要的功能是向他人描述清楚自己的意图。我十分在乎一个句子的完整性，即主谓宾，否则会不知所云。另外，一个句子如果使用了代词，应该尽可能明确这个代词指代的是什么。

我讨厌喊口号式的表达，动辄“我们…”。不要说“我们…”，那是你们。在我眼里，只有“我…”，因为我只代表我，并且谁也没有权利代表我，我也不会去代表任何人。

可能说到底，我讨厌的是某种教育吧。

English edition:

“The bigger the banana, the bigger the peel of the banana.”

After reading the best article on the college entrance examination for this year, I start to skept whether Mandarin is my mother tongue. From start to finish, the article was filled with gorgeous words, which made me unable to read easily, and until the last, I could not understand what the author wanted to explain. It turned out that this confusing expression starts from the swaddle. Let me cite a short segment from it:

I am not able to translate this.

This phenomenon reminded me of nonsense culture — say something for five minutes but expressed nonsense. Getting a height like this requires the man to have extreme attainments, not only remembering the words like surge and majestic but also having the ability that cites anything by force.

The nonsense culture is divided into two classes. One is saying something purely bureaucratical. In other words, nonsense. For example, the situation is such a situation and the specific situation depends on the specific situation. And another one aims to make you high, which puts on airs with magnificent expression, exciting the readers. The readers, after a short climax, always feel inanity.

I am humiliated that I was taught to write nonsense articles in the past. During my undergraduate, I woke up and started to learn how to write, speak and think like a human.

Essentially, languages are tools. The most essential function of language is to express your intention clearly to others. I care about the completeness of a sentence very much. That is, subject, verb, and object should be included. Otherwise, the sentence will be confusing. Besides, what the pronoun represents should be pointed out if a pronoun is used in a sentence.

I hate slogan-like expressions, which always say, “We…”. Please do not say “We …”. That is yours. I believe there is only “I …” because only I can represent myself, and nobody has the privilege to represent me. In contrast, I will not represent anybody.

Maybe, in the end, what I hate is some education.

The translation is produced by myself and polished by Grammarly. If there is anything misexpression, please enlighten me. Thanks.